I Tried to Be Good, and I Failed

Today I had A DAY.

You know, one of those days.

From before I even rolled out of bed, things seemed to be going the wrong way.

I was up too early.

I had too much work to do.

The kids were up before they should have been.

Everyone was crying.  EVERYONE.

My mind was racing with thoughts about Why didn't he do this?  And Why did you do that?  And, C'mon!  Just do this!

And I realized that if I stepped out of bed with all of that going on, I was going to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

So I prayed.

I prayed that God would fill me with the Holy Spririt.

I prayed that He would use me to breathe love and life into my husband, my sons, my students.

I prayed that--no matter what--this day would not be about me and what everyone could have--should have--would have done for me.  Instead, I wanted to be other-focused.

As an only child and a millenial and a human-being, let me tell you, this is very hard.

But I tried.

And then I failed.

And then I tried again.

And then I failed again.

And then I realized that I could keep trying over and over and over and I would keep failing.

And then I got very annoyed at this whole business of caring for other people who do not do what you want them to do.

So, I did what any millenial would do:  I checked out of real life and checked into my phone.

(Not my finest moment, but God used it.)

I had an email saying that the weekly kids' clubs at church were not happening tonight.

No!  I need that time!  Don't you know that I NEED THAT TIME tonight?  I silently screamed back.

And then I kept reading.

There was an activity to do with your kids.

You were supposed to get a dirty penny and wash it with vinegar.  The vinegar wouldn't really work to clean the penny, but then you'd add salt...and..WAH-LAH!

Shiny, clean pennies.

You'd explain to your kids that you were like the vinegar and can't really do much on your own.  And then you'd tell them that the salt was like the Holy Spirit and without the Spirit we can do some but mostly we are useless.  And then the kids would have this A-HA!  moment.  And then you'd all drink hot cocoa and hug.

Except that I was the one with the A-HA! moment.

After I'd stepped out of bed, I'd pretty much been trying to be a good mom and a good wife and a good teacher and a good worker all by myself.  And I sucked at it.

I didn't leave any room for the Spirit to work in me.  Through me.  For me.

I was the vinegar.

And the Spirit is the salt.

And I need a whole lotta salt in my heart.

And so do you.

Because, no matter how hard you try, you will never be good enough.  You will never be strong enough.  You simply aren't enough.

But there is one who is.

And He wants oh-so-much to show you just how great He really is if only you'll let Him.

Go on.

I dare you.