Dear Mason

Today I realized that you are 10 months and 4 weeks old.
That means in one week you will be 11 months.
That means that turning *1* is right around the corner.


But, I'm not ready for that.

Nope.

You cannot turn 1.  Not yet.  Not now.

For now, you are still my little baby.

My 10 month old I-don't-care-how-many-weeks-because-I-don't-want-to-think-about-it baby.

So, I just need you to stay in your chubby little 10-month old body for another minute.

Because I want to remember all of the ways that you...


...flip open those blue eyes that melt my heart.  Still.  Every single day.

Even strangers stop to tell me how beautiful your eyes are.

And how you...

...curl your legs around my hips when I carry you.

And when you...

...crawl across the house to find whichever room I've gone to.

...smile, laugh, and flip around every time a cat is within eyesight.

...breathe in and squeal with delight as excitement takes over your little body.

...laugh as you splash in the water.

...try to convince your fingers to do what you want them to do as you are learning to stack cups.

I don't want to forget how you...

...work oh-so-hard to get food on a spoon and feed yourself without it falling off.

...toss your water cup to the floor immediately upon finishing.

...yell for "Da!  Da!"

...wrap your arms around my shoulder and bury your face in my neck to give me a hug.

...smile.

...cry.

...wake up at 5:30 a.m. 

Actually, I could do without that one.

...mold to my body, legs curled down and head nestled close, as we glide in the rocking chair.

...beam and giggle when I discover which word you've been trying to say.

...walk along couches, tables, chairs, toys, legs, beds, or anything else at your height.

...spit things out when I ask.

Really, this makes my job so much easier.  

...laugh hysterically when I tell you not to do something.

This is only cute right now.  If you are thirteen and reading this, it is no longer cute.  Seriously.  Pack your bags.  You're going to boarding school.

...stop crying as soon as I pick you up.

Because for now, today, in this moment, you are my sweet little baby boy.

And, no matter what, you will always be my sweet little baby boy.

Even when you aren't so little.

I love you, Mason.

"Truth. Let's hear some."

A friend of mine recently posted this as her status update on Facebook.  It's probably one of my favorite posts ever.  I've thought of it often and truly hope that I am living my life in such a way that truth is spoken by me and to me as often as possible.

So, let's hear some.

You have days where you think you aren't good enough.  Not a good enough spouse.  Not a good enough parent.  Not a good enough friend.  Not a good enough worker.  Just not good enough.

You have moments when you're not sure how you are going to make it to through the next hour, let alone the next five minutes.

There are times when you just want to lock yourself in a room and pretend the rest of the world is not happening right now.

Sometimes you throw socks or toys or clutter in the trash just so you don't have to clean it up.

You have moments when you want to cry because--even though it's hard--being a parent is the coolest thing you have ever done.

Sometimes you leave a few squares on the toilet paper roll just so that you don't have to put on a new roll.

You stopped buying white socks so that you don't have to see how dirty your floor really is.

You wonder if you will ever feel as alive as you do in this season of life.  It is the hardest and happiest time of your life so far.

You drive the long way home.

You wish you had a clean car.  And kitchen.  And bathroom.  And everything.

Having a clean car--and kitchen--and bathroom--and everything--is overrated.

When it's late at night and everyone is sleeping but you, you listen to their heavy breathing and wonder if you will ever love as much as you do right now.

You like looking at the wrinkles in your hands.  They make you feel like you've done things in life.

Mason at 5 months

Every mother says this, but it seems like yesterday that my baby was born.  I can still feel what it was like to touch his warm, slimy, soft, squishy skin for the first time.  He was so round...his tummy...his cheeks...his thighs.  At 9.1 lbs, there was a lot to love!

Fast forward 5 months.

Mason is still cute--and round--as a button.

His weight is just shy of 18 lbs, a feat his older brother didn't accomplish until he was nearly a year old!

The days sometimes seem long, but they are flying by.  In the craziness of parenting and working and living,  I like to slow down and try to stick some of these moments into my memory.

Here are the things I want to remember about my 5 month old baby boy

...how he molds perfectly to my body when I hold him, like a little koala bear.

...how he blows raspberries when he's having fun.

...how his eyes squint up into little crescents when he laughs.

...how he tries to hug--and eat--his brother when we read stories.

...how he stares with eyes that melt you when you take pictures of him.

...how his legs pop into the air as soon as you lay him on the floor.  (This kid will do anything to suck on his toes!)

...how his thighs are so squishy!  They are nearly as big as my biceps!

...how he grunts as he babbles, like he's talking straight from his diaphragm.

...how he stares and takes in the world.

...how he wags his tongue in and out and in and out when he tastes a new flavor.

...how fascinated he is by people.

...how much I love to hold him.